Last summer, I got an email from older female friend. It was a fund-raising appeal for research into breast cancer in African-American women. My friend is not African-American. Nor has she had breast cancer. Nor have most women has breast cancer. In fact, breast cancer is not the leading cause of death for women in the U.S. -that would be heart disease- and it is not even the leading form of cancer- that would be lung cancer-but you would not know that for all the attention it receives.

In the States, we have breast cancer awareness weeks, breast cancer marches, breast cancer fun-runs, marathons, and so on. It is here too- I have on my desk a flier for the 25 October ‘Ibiza Foam Party’, which prominently features a naked woman. Down at the bottom, we are informed that ‘proceeds go to Breast Cancer Campaign.’ I would be happy to support the campaign, but I admit that I did not go in partly because I am not entirely sure what ‘Ibiza Foam’ is supposed to be.

Foam or no, breast cancer is a big deal, more so than lung cancer or heart disease. Why? I asked my friend, and she confirmed what I suspected-that it is about breasts, not cancer. We live in a society that more or less worships breasts, so much that breast cancer-the threat of losing them-is stigmatising. Breast worship is bad enough when women with perfectly lovely A-cups are made to feel inferior, but how awful is it when society tells a double-mastectomy survivor that she is somehow less woman-as if cancer were not an injury already? So breast cancer has become an ‘issue’, a powerful symbol that encompasses health concerns, social dysfunction, and sexual politics. I have no problem with this. I have pledged money to the fun-runners- a dollar or so per mile is easier than running it myself, and it is a good cause. But it is not like men’s reproductive health has gotten a fair shake, either. I only recently learned that urologist is roughly the guy equivalent of gynaecologist. I had thought that urology meant urinary tract only. Maybe raison d’etrologist would be more accurate.

Whatever you call it, certain aspects of men’s sexual health have only recently entered the mainstream conscious. Remember when Viagra came out? Suddenly, everyone was talking about ‘Erectile Dysfunction’ like it was the latest Britney Spears video; former U.S. Senator Bob Dole even starred in television commercials for the drug. Not that Bob Dole was ever the paragon of masculinity; the point is that it did not happen until there was a ready cure.

Perhaps men have actually benefitted from the hullabaloo over breast cancer; maybe in demystifying the breast and de-stigmatizing breast cancer, women have opened society to discussions of men’s issues that might otherwise be unspeakable. Take, for example, this headline from the BBC web site: ‘Masturbation cuts cancer risk’. According to actual medical doctors, a man in his 20’s can seriously reduce his risk of prostate cancer later in life by having five or more orgasms a week. Given that prostate cancer can put men out where the Viagra bus does not run, this might be the best prescription ever written. Not only do we have a reason or, more correctly, another reason to masturbate; most of us are not even doing it enough to be therapeutic. To me, this is Nobel-Prize-worthy research, and more so in that I have not ever worn a Prostate Cancer Awareness Ribbon or given to a Prostate Cancer Fun Run. If ever there was research that cried out for intensive fund-raising, this is it.

And you know, I think there is something we can do, sort of like a fun run-does anyone really enjoy fun runs?-but with no running. Call it a Mastathon. We will set registration at two pounds, and participants can collect pledges for solo emissions accomplished during, say, Revisions Week. Whoever collects the most money will get a lovely prize and proceeds will go half to the Breast Cancer Campaign, half to the rostate Cancer Charity.

So, if you’re a guy and want to help prostate cancer research, email mastathon@yahoo.com (confidentiality guaranteed). The Mastathon will be officially ‘a go’ when 100 guys sign up, and we will make up complete rules at that time. It will be fun, it is good for you, and we are doing it anyway. We might as well make it pay.